I'm usually not one to ever bring up dreams I have. Mainly because I rarely have dreams. Never have. In fact, I spend more time not being able to sleep than I do dreaming. Damn insomnia.
However, last night I actually did have a good dream. And for once, I think I'll share. Learn how Super Wheels solved the health care crisis, if only in a dream, after the fold.
Woke up, fell out of bed, Dragged a comb across my head Found my way downstairs and drank a cup, And looking up I noticed I was late. Found my coat and grabbed my hat Made the bus in seconds flat Found my way upstairs and had a smoke, and Somebody spoke and I went into a dream
Beatles "A Day In The Life"
In my dream, I was in one of those cloudy heavenly open spaces with many of the clowns I go to bed pissed off at every night lined up in a row. I'm not sure why, but I found myself approaching them one by one.
First up was Max Baucus. I asked him "sir, may we have health care?" To which he responded "no, too expensive". At that very moment, this huge elephant sat down on Max, crushing him. To be specific...it sat on his face. Typing this back and thinking about it, I can't help laughing about Republicans sitting on Max Baucus' face. Write your own joke there.
With that obstacle out of the way, I moved onto Blanche Lincoln. And I asked her "ma'am, may we have health care?" Her response was puzzling. First she said. Then she said no. Then yes. Then no. Pretty quickly, she seemed to confuse herself as smoke started to seep from her ears. And then her head exploded, exposing all the wires and circuits. And the Halliburton logo. So Blanche was a robot all along. It all makes sense now!
Next up, Harry Reid! You may be noticing a pattern in my questions. Once again "may we have health care?" Harry responded with "You can have some health care, but not universal health care. That would just be undemocratic! It's much more important to give 40 million Americans a mandate to buy insurance without anything to bring down costs." And it was then that I noticed the insurance lobbyists standing crouched behind him, hands strangely disappearing near his backside. It should have been obvious all along...but Harry Reid was a puppet. Nothing more, nothing less. Suddenly I shouted "REGULATION" and the scared spineless enemies of the nation ran off in terror. One more obstacle down!
And then there they were. The trio of evil. McConnell, Grassley, and President Snowe. So of course I ask them "may we have health care?" It was Mitch who responded "yes, but only if it's from a for profit corporation at great profit. Not doing so is Un-American. If I'm wrong, may God himself strike me down."
Now, I should note that I'm personally agnostic. And one of those folks who is barely hanging on to that thread. So I'm not silly enough to think that what followed would happen in real life. Namely, the giant fist of God smiting them one by one as if playing the worlds largest game of whack a mole.
And after that, there was no one standing in my way. The skies opened, the angels sang, and I even saw a billboard for Michael Moore's new film "Dr. Foreveryone: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Our New Public Option." We had won.
And then, far too quickly, the serenity was broken by a loud beep. Which turned out to be my alarm clock. Which turned out to be a clue to get up and get dressed for another day of life's ass kicking.
So while I was able to single handily solve the health care crisis in a dream, I fear that doing this in the real world is going to be much much harder. And yet, I have to feel if all the people I met in my dream were to meet their end in a more peaceful way (elections) we could probably do it for real. But it's going to take politicians realizing that if they mess with us, they will fall. May every coward who votes against health insurance for hard working fellow Americans become unemployed. As quickly as possible. Until then, the fight goes on. Affordable health care available to every single person who calls this country home. Nothing more, but nothing less.